The last of the many

Posted: May 27, 2017 in Heart

Here I sit, yet once again, on this beautiful tropical night. Same spot I’ve sat for many nights this past year. Feeling the same way I’ve felt, oh so many times. These posts have somehow turned into a sub story of one’s ability, or lack thereof, to be happy in paradise. Oh yes I’m in Belize again for the last of many trips to this tropical paradise. But it’s really not all it was supposed to be. When I first imagined this place I always pictured I’d be free of all worries, not a care on the world, just leaving life behind and running away like I always do to escape the troubles of the world. What I found was quite the opposite. It really doesn’t matter where you go, if your not free on the inside, there not place in the world you can be happy.

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And so it ends, like it began

Posted: May 27, 2017 in Heart

In life, things usually end in the same way as they begin, but on the opposite side of the emotional scale. In a few days I take, what is shaping up to be, my very last trip to Belize. What started 9 trips ago is about to have its 10th and final farewell. And it’s bitter sweet. Well mostly sweet, with a little bitter sprinkled in there, but nonetheless. The full story I can’t really get into on here as some of the details can’t be broadcast to anyone outside the inner circle, but I’ll do my best to fill in the blanks and get some of it off my chest. 

The storey started out 11 months ago, almost to the day. Boy meets girl. Boy falls for girl. Girl makes a mess of boys life lol. Well not exactly, but sorta lolol. So we talk. Meet. Hit it off. Second date I needed a passport. Exciting stuff. Except when I get there, it wasn’t what I expected. There was way more emotional hardship then anything else. A lot of tears were shed. But a lot of growth, for sure! I finally made it to Belize, somewhere I’ve always wanted to go my whole life almost. And I’ve never been anywhere outside of Canada (even though I’ve driven across Canada twice) !! Well the US, that’s it. But that doesn’t really count. Kinda like going over to your neighbors house. So it was amazing in that sense. I met all her mentors, got to hang out with some amazing people, and learned so much. I was fast on the way to an amazing new life! 

Then came the Landmark forum. Something I’ll keep talking about from time to time, as it was a life changer. Anyways, one day the CEO of the company puts his arm around me after a very late night of booze and cigars at a central American beauty pageant and says to me….. You like this girl? Obv I’m like, absolutely! So he’s like, you know that if you want our approval your going to have to do the Landmark forum. So of course I responded with, then the Landmark forum it is!! And that’s when it all changed. 

I was operating from a place I have been in my whole life. And now I’m operating on a whole new wave length with a new bar set way higher. So not only am I holding myself to that bar but they very people I’m supposed to be learning from. Which made things a little difficult. Cause after being fresh out of the program I realizing that the very people that are supposedly the instructors of this way of being, all about integrity, are in fact out of integrity themselves. Well not all, that’s for sure. I shouldn’t use “they” or “themselves”, as it was mainly just one. Unfortunately it was the one that couldn’t be let go or avoided. This person really made a mess of the place. And the whole time, this person has had the entire upper echelon fooled into thinking it was everyone else’s fault of not performing and definitely not them! What a joke! Regardless, I don’t wanna turn this post into a bitch-fest, cause I could go on and on. At the end I wasn’t able to deal with incompetence and straight up lies and deceit, disguised by the holier-than-thou attitude operating under the umbrella of integrity. Bullshit. Whatever. Once the love is gone it’s time to move on. And as the old Phoenician proverb goes, let clay pots smash each other. Yeah I know, there much lost in the translation. The meaning: let them fucking deal their own shit, smash each other to bits, why get in the middle of it. So I’ll sit back and watch, and grin like an idiot. 
So anyways. Last trip. Well last one to the same place to deal with the same peeps. Cause while there I met soo many amazing people and made some really good friends that I’ll be visiting from time to time for sure! Maybe I’ll even startup a project there and knock out the competition. Who knows. At least now I’m not wasting my $ doing a thankless task that in the end up getting thrown under the bus in the end. I was warned, this person will use you like they use everyone else. And lo and behold, it happened. Oh well. A hobo’s heart will never be anything else but. Or as a wise man once told me, “you are who you were, and always will be”.  

Depressed in paradise? 

Posted: May 27, 2017 in Heart

It’s a strange thing to find oneself depressed in paradise. It’s not a typical reaction to being surrounded by beautiful beaches and palm trees. Is it? 

I touched down in the sunny shores of Belize, made it back to the villa, and before I knew it I’m finding myself depressed, unhappy, and generally dissatisfied with life. I’m not excited to be here. I feel trapped and alone. Yet I’m with enough people. Im actually surrounded by people and yet I feel so alone in this world. Yes that’s not the Landmark way of creating the possibility and living in it but I feel like I just can’t help it. I can’t talk to anyone around me. My GF is here yet I cant seem to say anything to her it. 

I wish I could capture this moment 

Posted: April 11, 2017 in Heart

Words can express, but feelings are truly inexpressible. The view of the coconut trees swaying in the wind, the sweet smell of spring, the feeling of the the warm sea breeze gently caressing my face, the sounds of the sea on a perfect April night. It’s truly the definition of epic. It’s paradise in all its glory. My only wish to share this moment with as many souls are possible. I’m almost at a loss for words tonight, and for me that’s not something that happens too often. It brings me peace to know that no matter how fkd up the world gets, there’s a place in the world where one can just forget all the bullshit in their life and just be at one with the world. At one with themselves. At one with the creator and the creation. Allowing stream of well-being to wash away all the worries of the world and the worries of life, even if it’s just for a moment. Our minds are always racing with thoughts of the past and future, and being graced by a single breath of peace in paradise is absolutely priceless! It’s something that value cannot be put upon, even though value was at some point upon in order to get there. 

Really?? 

Posted: March 23, 2017 in Heart

GF sends me this article today…. http://thoughtcatalog.com/victoria-joslin/2017/03/9-things-you-need-to-know-before-dating-an-outgoing-introvert 

And at the very beginning is this quote…

“I don’t know how to be anything other than intense. I don’t know how to experience without feeling too much and thinking too much. I am always searching, always questioning, and always trying to find the meaning in everything. I am passionate and I am deep, and sometimes I am misunderstood, but I am finally okay with that.”

Now I’m assuming she sent it to describe to be how she really is. And it’s a great article but in reality only some of those points are her, really some are me as well, and I’d bet anything that some are you too. But that quote at the beginning struck me. 

I feel so overwhelmed by life right now. 

I have so much to say and yet I feel like I’m all said out. So I’ll just leave it. 

Now I don’t know how you are in being introverted/extroverted, but me, I looovveeee to talk!! Just ask my GF who is the total opposite. She’ll tell ya. She loves the meat! Whell I dont mean it in some nasty sexual way, although….. actually we just wont even go there. I just got schooled by my little brother (from another mother) about the evils of living sinfully. But that’s a topic for a whole other day. So she loves the meat, and me I’m all about the fixins. For me, the story of how the meat ended up on my table is more appetizing then the meat itself. Lure me in with delightful tales of all that it took to make my plate the way that it is. The indian spices that were hand-picked by monkeys in the high mountains; the potatoes that were grown by the great-grandmother of that lady who survived the Titanic disaster, whats her name……Rose! Tell me how the cow im about to eat was raised in the most ethical fashion and how upon buying the farm was as tranquil as a zen buddhist monk being rubbed down by Helga the masseuse! NOW bring the steak out with all the fixins cause my mouth is wwaatteerriinnggg!!! Not some people. Case in point, the GF.

Over the past few days though I’ve been talking and talking and talking ….. and talking. And quite frankly im all talked out. Why am I talking so much? Well it has to do with some business ventures that have dropped into my lap that I just couldnt turn down. They are my in to residual income, and afte you get to know know you’ll know what a huge fan I am of residual income! I could go on and on and on…… But I wont, not yet at least. This blog was never meant to be a plug for anything I do in business, nor do I want to turn it into that, although I’m sure at some point I’ll start blabbering on about what’s going on with that part of my life and how every one should be doing what I’m doing and blah blah blah. It’s more meant to be as an outlet for a man who loves to talk!

I never had this issue expressing what’s inside. I had a tight crew of a few boys that met up in the parks, or as we liked to call to call them “Bat Caves” and talked, among other things that teenage guys do when they meetup in parks. Always made sure to have plenty of Timmies apple cinnamon tea to wet the whistle, and something smokable (cigars/cigarettes/or something like that ;)). And boy did we ever talk! About everything and nothing, just got it all out. Crazy ideas, business plans, schemes, girls, just whatever madness came to mind. It’s not like we had any new stories that happened apart from each other cause we were always together, so looking back on it now I don’t really even know how we talked for so long!! But I can tell you that it was very healthy. I would not be in the same position I am now if it wasn’t for those boys and all the amazing talks that we had. I had no idea the power of self-expression until not too long ago when I started dating someone who was all about the point form. Extra talk like that was “nonsense”, “get to the point” she’d say. And then when I haven’t gotten to the point in less than 3 minutes she just shuts down, eyes glaze over, and she can’t even process anymore. Well needless to say this made for a very unhealthy relationship at the time. Combine someone who loves to talk with someone who hates listening and you’ve some something off a Bill Nye the science guy show. But that’s also another story for another day.

I dunno what this is going to even read like, the only time I ever seem to get any time anymore is at 2am after I’ve been kicking ass all day stuck in beast mode and I’m in bed at the end of the night emptying myself onto these pages for the whole world to see. Sharing. Cuase after all, if I’m not sharing and “enrolling” as many around me as possible then I’m really not doing all I can to transform the world around me and leave a space where all possibility can be created. Yes more Landmark talk. Your going to hear a lot about this! Landmark has made such a huge impact on me. I finally told someone I know about me writing this blog and the first thing they noticed and commented on was, how things changed after a certain date. They were like, “wow things really changed after you did the Advanced Course eh?!”  And its true, they really did. Well the Forum was a life changer for sure but the Advanced Course really put it all together. Not to say that I did all they said I needed-to to get all that I could get from it, but I definitely did enough to get what I got and didn’t get what I didnt get. And I’m ok  with that!

So anyways….. Tomorrow is my day off and I’m gonna take it off and spend the day just not talking to anyone! I think that will be nice. Well I’m visiting the P.Unit right now, so I have no choice but to talk to “someone” until I leave here, and tomorrow I have this thing I need to do with a potential client, BUT, as soon as that’s done then NO MORE TALKING, well at least for the rest of the day. I welcome the peace. But only for a short while.

 


So I’ve never slept inside a mall, but admittedly I’ve always wanted to!! So here I am. Well ok that’s a little deceiving. The truth is I am in fact inside a mall. The other fact that I conveniently left out is that I’m actually in a hotel INSIDE the mall! Super cool right? I dunno. Its very Asian! And it just so happens to be that I’m in Chinatown, so it’s very befitting. I’ve never opened up the window of my hotel room and looked down at the very heart of the city mall, let alone one in Chinatown! I find it fascinating that I can feel a million miles away from home in this place, yet I’m practically right around the corner. I feel so out-of-place, different customs and traditions, different sights and sounds, it’s almost a different world! Yet I’m right in the heart of The6. Amazing!!

So what I am doing sleeping in a hotel room again? Long story really but it has to do with Landmark, yet again. And my lovely GF. So start it off, last night I figured it would be nice to be 100% self expressive and tell her that one of my best friends, a girl, that she doesn’t like a whole lot told me that she’s kinda bummed out that when my GF comes back to live permanently in the city (she’s always out of the country on business) that we will end up not talking anymore. Rational, I mean it’s just the way things go. We get into relationships and somehow we dump all our friends we’ve had for everrr and pretend like we’re oh so busy, way too busy for them to bother to keep the friendship going. Then one day at someone’s wedding of funeral we always lament as to why don’t we ever hang out anymore and proceed to remaness of all the great times we had in the past, but sadly we grew up and got our families and responsibilities and jobs and blah blah blah….. We ended up devoting the largest chunk of our life to the very thing that brings us very little pleasure, happiness, and joy, in leu of the “right thing to do” or what society has prescribed on us what is appropriate behaviour for our age/kind/race/sex, or whatever. AND ITS FKN BULLSHIT!! AND I REFUSE TO BE A SUBSCRIBER TO THE BITCH-ASS WAYS!!! Hey if you want a lifetime membership the by all means, subscribe away! But that’s not gonna be me. I will not live this life unless it’s on my terms. It will always be my choice, even when there’s only one option to choose from! And yes I do get some of this isn’t gonna make sense right now as its 2am and im half asleep. But I declared that I will be writing these blogs every day to the best of my ability, even if I have nothing to say. Cause anyone that knows me know that I ALWAYS have something to say lol. So, thanks for listening.

So I get the hotel room, front the $100 (thanks HotWire!!), get to my room inside the asian mall, get my bag of A&W ready for a pounding, and I make the call to the GF who’s in Belize right now to finalize the day. So what does she ask?? Baabbeeee….. why you staying in a hotel tonight? Why arent you staying with your friend (the girl i mentioned previously)???  ARE YOU FKN KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW??!!?!?!?!? LOLOLOL I burst out laughing. Like, ARE YOU FKN WITH ME RIGHT NOW?!?!? OMFG. Does that make any sense at all? WWHHYY?? Maybe cause I wanted to avoid a total fkn nuclear mealtdown!! Oh yeah, you dont know her obv. Shes a 24 year old, super smart, super attractive, blond haired, bluegreengold eye’d girl that’s worked out for 20 years and done fitness modeling and hostesing at those posh fancy bars with pools n sht where all the fk boys and douche bags like myself love to hangout. Yes I know, she’s just my type. Beautiful and insecure. And attracted to my kind. Regardless, here I am and here we are.

So the second reason, and really the reason I’m even in The6 on a monday is the Landmark seminars that are taking place every to every other monday at 7pm. Life changing really. I said to myself I wouldn’t blabber on about Landmark on here but it’s bound to come up. Landmark is really the reason all this is even taking place. Breakthroughs, breakdown, transformations, reinvention, affirmation, declaration, the list goes on and on and on. I’ve met the most incredible people, have had the most incredible opportunities present themselves to me, like practically drop in my lap for making $$$ as well as some of the most amazing friends I’ve ever had! Really Landmark has transformed my great life into an unremarkable one, simply launched me in the stratosphere of amazingness!!

So anyways, Now im exhausted, and my train of thought has been totally derailed, GF is sending cute BBM emojis that are just too adorable to resist.

Daily Affirmation: Theres an unlimited stream of well-being in the universe, and it flows constantly towards me.

There’s something to be said about drinking a warm delicious cup of tea first thing in the morning. For me there’s nothing like it. Pu’ehr has pretty much become my go to now thanks to @timferris. I’m working my way in to his “Titanium Tea” but that’s still some ways off it seems. Not sure why other than I havent taken action yet. I’m a big fan of just drinking the tea. And what I mean by just drinking the tea, I mean JUST DRINKING THE TEA and nothing else. And by nothing else I mean meditating. something that I’ve been into now off and on for some time. Well ever since I started having massive panic attacks and couldn’t get rid of them.  Thank goodness for good friends who’ve traveled the world. Brendan Lloyd you’re an amazing person, and I have to give it to you for playing a massive role in my life. Even though I’ve been a pretty shitty friend and didn’t even make it to you wedding, I still hold you in super high regard, up there on a pedestal of people of have seriously influenced me and altered the course of my life. As you can tell I’ve taken on a new approach with writing these blogs. They really are just going to be #randomrants from now on I think. No rhyme nor reason to them other than to spill my thoughts out on to the world in the hopes of doing as much damage to the status quo as possible. And yes you’ll hear me go on and on about Landmark, the Forum, the Advanced course, and the seminars. And thats because #landmark has had such a huge impact on my life that its altered the axis on which my world spins. Even though that rotation is ever so slight, its enough to cause the butterfly effect on all aspects of life, mine and those around me. And now you, my beloved reader. You are family now and as such I will tell you I love you from time to time in an effort to convey my appreciated and affection to you, who has taken the time out of your day to take my words and allow them into your life, for whatever its worth. And I thank you for that. 


Vivere Fortis, Nihil Timendum Est

People Love Being Sheep

Posted: March 17, 2017 in Entrepreneur, Money, Success


It’s crazy that people just love being sheep. Talk to anyone about making more money or retiring early or even something as simple as a better investment vehicle backed by solid data and some of the most successful people on the planet, and they will try to shut it down faster than a hooker shuts down free sex!  So many people in this world are so happy in their little comfort bubble that they refuse to see anything else but being sheep! I mean don’t get me wrong, thank goodness for them! They pay into a system that keeps them down, and they LOVE it!! Without THEM there will never be people like US. Entrepreneurs, explorers, risk takers, willing to put a little on the line to get out of the rat race and be free of the golden handcuffs we placed on ourselves willingly. It’s just mind-boggling really why we even do it! Yes I know, your saying….. well what option to I have other than being a sheep? What else can I do other than get sheered, milked, and eventually slaughtered?!? The answer is….. YOU HAVE ALL THE OPTIONS IN THE WORLD!! If you’re in a 3rd world country, oppressed, terrorized, held down by “the man” then ok it’s safe to say that your facing some pretty big hurdles. Fair enough. And for that, my heart truly goes out to you. But short of that, options are unlimited. The only that thing that will ever stop you is your own mind! 

I haven’t in a while, but in the last few months the things I’ve discovered about the world and about myself have been mind-boggling and earth shattering for me! I’ve heard that “you’re your own worst enemy” my whole life and yet it just hasn’t sunk in. Not till recently when I got “forced” into attending the Landmark Forum. Since then my life has totally taken a turn for the amazing. And really all it took was the guts for me to stand up for my dreams and do something to help myself achieve what I have always wanted.

If you anything like me, you’ve got a good paying job, you maybe put a little tiny bit of cash away for a rainy day, and the rest you enjoy on a typical north american lifestyle. Maybe a dinner out once a week, a trip somewhere sunny once a year, a lease on a car, and maybe even mortgage on a small house. I mean, it’s a good life. But if we have it so good in the industrialized world and especially in north america, then why is there over 44,000 suicides in the US a year and rising?? And that’s successful attempts! 1 in 25 succeed!! So really that’s over 1,000,000 suicide attempts a year!!! Why is depression skyrocketing in north america? 1 out of 10 Americans are clinically depressed, with an increase of 20% diagnosis A YEAR!!! The numbers are staggering!! What’s going on?!

Yet with all this data and all the options that we have around is we’re still not happy, still not satisfied with our lives, and the majority of us choose to do NOTHING ABOUT IT!!! So here I am at work, telling a younger guy about my discoveries the last few months and how I’m implementing all I’m learning and recently acquired knowledge of financial freedom, when in comes in a couple old timers stuck in their ways of ‘nothing gets you financially free other than working till your 55/65, putting your money away in a pension or in RRSP’s (yes im Canadian) and eventually you can live on the crumbs that are handed to you if you’ve been a good little boy/girl and maybe you’ll get 10 or so years out of it and eventually leave a little bit to the kids if their lucky. WOW!! That’s one helluva life. I bet that’s exactly what you said you wanted to grow up to be when you were a wee little child! What happened to those dreams? When did they get crushed? When did you give up on it all? And really, what the point of it all? Why choose a life where your dead on the inside just going through the motions being unfulfilled, unloved (ourselves), and just plain resigned at best!! And that’s if everything is going great in life! On the other side of spectrum there’s all the other stuff. Depression, anxiety, poverty, illness, and a whole host of things so many of us suffer with in silence at one point or another in our lives! And yet when someone tries to impart some freedom on another, they get shut down and anything they say that doesn’t fit into their preconceived notion of what life should look like doesnt even make it in to be explored, not even window shopped let alone bought!

So why bother? I dunno. Part of me what’s to just say, “look you do what you do, I’m just gonna keep getting rich”. Yet another part of me looks out and sees a sea of potential and just want to jump in with my life ring and rescue them from the lifeless abyss the are hurdling to full throttle, eyes wide open, mind fully shut!

I dunno. Then again, maybe I should just keep mouth shut and let them pay into the system to keeps them down and elevates me into being 45 sitting on 45 mill.


Vivere Fortis, Nihil Timendum Est

Jan/13/2017 (Friday The 13th)

Posted: January 14, 2017 in Heart

​Extremely cranky today. Just off. Idunno what it is. Somethings just not right. Angry. Is it residuals of the fight last night? Something external? Not clear just yet. 

0830: 1x exhilarin 

0930: pineapple juice, 1 scoop phytoberry, bee pollen, mct 

0945: black tea, honey, creamer 

1000: 1x T-Relief arthritis tablet 

So even from such long distance, the fight still comes. Damn this technology!! She’s concerned that I don’t think she’s hot. Granted I don’t tell her she’s hot all the time. And there’s a reason for that. She’s the biggest story maker ever!! Twists everything I say to mean that I’m slamming her in some sort of way. When we first went out I would say how hot she was, but I felt free to speak my mind. So I would make comments on her looks. But what I quickly found what that every word I’d say would be scrutinized and eventually twisted to mean something it didn’t, making me the bad guy. So I just stopped bringing up anything to do with looks or appearance. From how she looks to how she’s dressed or what I think of anything to do with such stuff. Better safe than sorry. So anyways. I’m Exhausted after a long long day. Finally in bed by 10. She has to resolve something so needs to call. So ok, we can talk quick. She calls. Asks if I think she’s hot. I say yes. She wants an explanation as to why I don’t tell her this. Worst feeling. Cause now I have to explain why. I tell her I have the hardest time telling her what I think or being completely honest about certain things so I just don’t say them to avoid her twisting it and adding a her “story” to it and making it mean something it doesn’t. She insists I do it anyways and she’s just gonna listen. So I tell her. Yes a long drawn out explanation. What do I get in return? Her being extremely defensive. So it begins. From that point I can’t get 3 words in about what she is asking for without her being defensive. The fight begins. I get slammed. Over and over. Proving the point I was making in the first place. Saying she asks for something and I criticise her about everything else. Meanwhile it’s me explain what I think and why I can’t say what I wanna say. Saying if I can’t accept her the way she is then there’s no point to go on, but in much worse words. And it still hadn’t stopped. Still getting messages as I write this about how it’s all my fault. Just goes to show. Never speak my mind or tell her what I feel or think. Just keep in inside, suppress it until it pops. Then walk away. That seems like the only option right now, with only one outcome in site. Sad and unfortunate. I thought this was the one. But she won’t ever let me express myself without making it mean something terrible. She wants to resolve her issues but when it comes to me resolving mine, it’s a no go. So that’s fine. So be it. I feel like I need to scream. To call her terrible names and say terrible words. The frustration builds up with no end in site other than the final end. 

1330: nerves tonic tea

1430: 4 eggs, 2 chicken hotdogs, cheese, spices, saurkraut, sweet green olives, 1x liberte kefir

Time has passed and I’ve calmed down a bit. I’ve also been drinking verbal tonic tea. Stuff is a God send. It’s when I need to get rid of anger and be happy. I don’t know how it works but it works. Always have some on hand!! Anyways, so I’m not a blogger by nature. Just always loved to write. I have books stacked with writings. Well more like ranting. They really are the rantings of a madman lol. We all need to vent and let it out. It’s just never convenient to do so. As humans we must learn to have a release. Be it the gym, killing some weights or in a quiet room screaming your head off to get it out. Regardless of the method, it needs to come out. A wise friend one told me that when it feels like your fighting it on the inside, stop and let it win. Let it take you over. If your fighting crying, don’t! Ball your eyes out! If you wanna laugh, laugh hysterically!! If you wanna scream, then find a good place to do it obviously, and scream till your throat is raw. Let it out. Whatever you resist, persists. That’s the rule of the game. So don’t resist it. Let it happen.  Let it out. And for me it’s in my writing. I love go talk and talk and rant on and on until it’s finished and out, but sadly I don’t have anyone anymore that wants to let me get it out with them. I always figured it would be the girl Im dating, but it doesn’t seem to be that way for most. They don’t seem to wanna hear it. I know maybe it sounds absurd, cause sometimes the thing I wanna rant about is due to the person I’d be ranting to. And that obviously won’t work, so I don’t know why I thought for a second that it would. She asks me to tell her the things I’m feeling or on my mind so it can be dealt with, so against my better judgement I do, thinking it will get it out and help me to deal with it. Instead, which is what I knew would happen anyways, she takes it the wrong way, like it’s a slam of some sort, and becomes all  defensive and the fight happens. Then I get blamed for renting on about nonsense and that I think it’s all about me that I don’t accept her for who she is. How this led to that Im still not exactly sure, but it’s always the path that seems to be taken. Regardless. I need to get it out. So I started this blog. I would love it if this helped one person to know they they are not alone in the struggles of life. That no matter what position you hold in life, there will always be it’s ups and it’s downs. And just when you think you’ve stuck gold, turns out there’s a bear trap set next to it. Ouch! Actually it’s more like a mine field with bear traps and poison ivy, killer bees, pools with piranhas, and pumas just waiting to jump and tear you to bits.  Something like that. Then if by some miracle you make it and grab the gold, it falls away to reveal an empty lonely abyss. Making one think if it’s worth it afterall that. 
Socrates says:  “Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart’s desire; the other is to get it.”
I don’t know what’s worse.  Not getting what you want out of life or actually getting it. I can’t count the number of times I’ve wanted something, only to get it, and realize that I wish I hadn’t! Tragic realization. 

Just when so emoting becomes too concrete and the realization of the final chapter arises, I get scared. Like really scared. I panick. And I start to distance myself away from that thing. Be it a job, a person, or any sort of commitment. Most times it’s people that do it. The 6 Months rule. I’ve had it for as long as I can remember. 6 months and out. I never saw anything wrong with living life 6 months at a time. It kept me balanced. Kept me fresh. Kept me reinventing myself every 6 months. And it usually revolved around a new girl. Never got stale. The romance never really faded. It was that crazy movie kind if love for, in constant format. Only thing that it called for was change. Constant change. Anything over that and it felt like I stalled. And when I stall it’s like a plane stalling in mid air. There’s only one direction. And that’s straight down, rreeaaallllll quick!!!! And they was terrifying!!! So how does one deal with this and attempt to have a long term serious relationship?? That’s the billion dollar question.  I’m still trying to figure that one out. Im open to all suggestions. But then again all I keep hearing is, “you’ll know when you find it”. Bullshit!