Archive for the ‘Trials of Life’ Category

Ramblings

Posted: May 28, 2017 in Random Rants, Trials of Life

Have you ever wished that there was a sound track to life? Well I have, very much so actually. And looking back on life I realize that there kinda is. Those songs that you heard doing certain things or with certain people, maybe during a breakup or an amazing night that ends the next day and the same song comes on a few times and becomes the sound track of the night, then the soundtrack of the month, the season, or even the year. I love that. 2017 soundtrack was A drake track, Feel No Way. I was wondering what the soundtrack track was gonna be for this year and its been discovered, a few days ago in fact. About 4 days ago I heard Drake’s Passionfruit and was thinking, wow that’s a great breakup track. I bet I’ll sing it to Christie sometime for karaoke or something and get a kick out of it from her. Well little did I know 2 days later it would be on repeat cause we actually ended up breaking up. So the track of 2018 is that. Funny cause its like deja vu. Last year I played feel no way on repeat cause of the girl I broke up with because of Christie. Happened around the same time too, just a few weeks earlier in the year. And both breakups were because of her. That’s messed up shit. I feel bad for anyone reading this post or if you signed up to be notified via email when I post something new, because all the last little bit has been is negative down gloomy writings. And now with this huge event in my life, its gonna be one fuck of a sad story. Me venting, pouring my heart out on to these digital pages (and maybe a few tears as well). Real sappy shit, so I apologies in advance and wont be hurt in the least if you unfollow. Its gonna get messy for a bit, after I’m done stewing in my own BS for a bit. Be careful what you wish for in life, cause you just might receive it! And everything you receive you attracted. And yes I know this very well. If I didnt, this is very stern reminder, yet once again!! Thank you life!!

Jan/04/2017

Posted: January 5, 2017 in A-Fib, Heart, Random Rants, Trials of Life
Tags: , ,

0330: woken up for a fight. She lost her ring I gave her for Christmas. She can’t sleep. So why should I right?? She tells me about it. In my sleepy vulnerable state I thought that I could speak freely. Speak my mind. Speak from the heart. I blabbered on, cause that’s just what I do. I felt really good. She wasn’t arguing or saying anything in return. I thought maybe she was asleep! Turns out she wasn’t. She was just holding her tongue. And then she spoke. And then we fought. And fought and fought and fought till about 5am. Why? If I try to show or teach her anything I’ve learned in my life, me being 10 years older, she sees it as me putting her down. And for her, she was t’s to be “equal or above”  so that’s fine. I tried for so long to tell her I don’t see anyone as above or below. We all on the same level ground. But so many have taught me growing up and I wanna give that to her so she had this valuable knowledge that I wish I had been told years earlier. Not for change, but to just have it. Take it. Use it or not, that’s up to you, but let me speak it. It’s the #1 thing I crave. For me it’s self expression. If I can say what I want without having to think and rethink about it for fear of it being the wrong thing to do, then I’m happy. That’s why I feel in love with her in the first place. We spoke for 3-4 hours every single day! She let me talk and talk and talk. I melted. I was in so much love. I flew to Not her country for her cause I loved it so much. And now, I’m being asked to not. Not talk, not teach, not show, not have any self expression for fear that it might piss her off and cause her to resent me cause it might comes off as me putting her down or invalidating her worth or controlling her by “telling her what to do” . So that’s that I guess. I’ll just stuff it inside. Or learn to deal with it some other way with some other person. The complete girl I’ve always wanted and thought she was at the beginning, turns out isn’t her. And in that I realize that my vision of the complete girl is off. She really doesn’t exist in my realm. Not in this life. Why be a single bachelor so far? What’s the point, the one I want doesn’t exist in this life, so why chase her?  It’s like chasing after a sasquatch. To all those that have found the perfect one for them, I say. . . I’m super happy for all you. Your lucky and blessed. For the rest of us, we either settle or live a lonely life. Going from relationship to relationship, cold hearted. Waiting for the day when the director yells CCUUUTTTT! And then it’s a wrap. Enjoyed or not, it all had to end eventually.
0700: 1x exhilarin

0730: 2x probiotic

0735: tulsi chai tea

1130: 2 drops d+k, 1x ALA, 1x carnitine, 1x CoQ10, 2x fish oil, earl gray tea

1900: 2x l-theanine, 1 x complex, 2x b3

2100: lobster ravioli, virgin ceasar

2200: 1x digestive enzymes

2245: 1tsp calm magnesium
Amazing dinner out at victoria house. Great food, amazing atmosphere, amazing people around. Super cool. No fighting. Laughing the whole time. Truly made the entire trip worth it. Lots and lots of laughs.  We jokes around like we were kids. So super immature and yet so much fun. Made fun if each other, laughed, joked, we were totally in our own world. Felt super appreciated by the crew around for all the world we are doing here on the island, making people lives better, enriching them, empowering them. Felt at peace. Clear minded. Happy. Joyous. Surrounded any friends. What a great night. And the “lobster in a blanket with his friends camping” dish was pretty good too. Oh and they make the BEST bloody marry drink EEVVEERRRRR!!!!!! Even if it’s a virgin.

Jan/03/2017

Posted: January 5, 2017 in A-Fib, Heart, Random Rants, Trials of Life
Tags: , , ,

0700: 1x exhilarin

0900: chai holy basil, coffee alternative

1000: beans, rice, spices, onion

1030: 1x CoQ10, 1x ALA, 1x carnitine

1100: protein pancakes, phytoberry, butter, syrup, banana

1600: blue raspberries poweraid

1700: cherry diet 7up
Feeling great today. Another day of no PAC’s. Great day for sure. No fights yet so no stress yet. Headache but that could be from too much sun yesterday and some dehydration. I been reading about ketosis and I’m thinking of doing some fasting and going on a keto diet, see how that plays out. As soon as i get settled back in Canada.
1745: 2x d+k, 2x fish oil, 1 scoop aminos, pollen, honey, D-ribos, taurine

Jan/02/2017

Posted: January 5, 2017 in A-Fib, Heart, Random Rants, Trials of Life
Tags: , ,

0900: 1x exhilarin

1000: coffee alternative

1030: acv and baking soda

1100: left over shrimp pizza and lasagna, 2 drops d +k, 1x ALA 1x CoQ10, 1x carnitine, 2x probiotic

1130: 1 scoop phytoberry, bee pollen, psyllium, chia, D-ribos, taurine
Today has been very different from yesterday. Got woken up for her to ask if u had cheated on her.  Why? She had a dream I did. Which pretty much set the tone for the day. Someone knocked on the door, asked for keys, she looks for a few  seconds, can’t find them comes and gets me to look for them. So I get up out of bed to look, only to find them right there in open view on the bench in the middle of the room. A blind person could have seen them. So I proceed to say that she need to learn to be more present, something that I always thought she lacks. Don’t get me wrong, so do I, and I made that very clear. But I’m aware that I’m not and I’m trying my best to be. Where she won’t even accept it a fight started about how I’m trying to change her and that I always try to teach her stuff and how I need to stop trying to elevate her and let he do whatever she wants and never say anything about it, just keep it inside and if she ever asks then I can say something. Even tho I’m in the relationship, I should not have the ability to speak freely Becuase it could come off as criticism and instead just keep my mouth shut and just love her. Now I think anyone reading this is gonna see the problem here. Lack of self expression = soul suffocation = an eventual end to the relationship. But she doesn’t see it. No communication = end of the relationship. But that’s good for her as long as she’s not made to feel like her ego is getting stepped on. So starts the beginning of the end. It’s too bad that she won’t be able to see it till it’s all over.

1300: 1 tsp Moringa, 1tsp turmeric

1600: 1/2 #2 cigar monte Cristo

1830: 1x D-stress

1900: tea: matcha, holy basil, some fruity smelling loose leaf tea from Teavana

2100: grouper, baked potato, keylime pie

2230: 25 drops Aussie trace minerals

2245: 1 tsp calm magnesium, 1x potassium iodide

Jan/01/2017

Posted: January 5, 2017 in A-Fib, Heart, Random Rants, Trials of Life
Tags: , ,

1000: 1x exhilarin

1100: 2x probiotic

1130: 3 x protein pancakes, 1x carnitine, 1x CoQ10, 1x ALA
So last night was pretty amazing. The day started off not so good. Then got the invite at like 1500 for a boat cruise @ 2000. Felt shitty. Didn’t wanna go. For personal jabs from cat which made me not wanna go even more. Then she changed her tune and was sweet, so I decided I’d go even tho I felt like crap. Ended up having an amazing night. Cruised for a bit with the guys, talked about a whole bunch of cool Stuff, talked about the highlight of 2016 (meeting Christie and her crew), made a new years resolution to tame Maurice the instant gratification monkey (no more procrastination) by writing it down in a piece of paper and burning it right before the clock hit midnight, then watched the fireworks from the sail boat. Epic. Got back around 130,took a cruise into town, hit a local pub, back home at 430. Bed by 5. Amazing night. Was in the best place I could have been mentally. Peacefully calm and tranquil. Felt so alive. Holding a girl that made it all happened. Who loves me obsessively. Surrounded by the best people i could have been around. Epic. Messed up the day after cause it totally threw off the clock,  but total worth it. Then today, no fights all day. Amazing day. Got my wish of starting off the year on a great note!!! And all this time still no PAC’s. Loving it!!!

Dec/27/2016

Posted: January 2, 2017 in Trials of Life

​Didn’t sleep well. But only woke up once. 
0730: 1x exhilarin, 2 drops d+k, coffee alternative, southern butter pecan creamer 

1040: 2  d +k drops

1045: 2x probiotic 

1100: omelet with chicken and 1/2 onion 

1130: 1x CoQ10, 1x ALA, 1x carnitine, 2x 5htp, black seed whole 

1200: bee pollen, 1/2 tsp arginine, 1tsp D-ribos, 1 tsp maca

1600: 1x gaba 500mg

1630: mojito mint green tea 

2000: salad, chicken, beets,  1x fish oil

2100: 1x tryptophan 

2200: 1 tsp calm magnesium 

Dec/26/2016

Posted: January 2, 2017 in Trials of Life

​Another great day, 8 hours of sleep, I feel alive and well rested. Heart so far, zero skips. I’m so so so grateful for that. The terror of heart skipping is a nightmare and I’m so grateful not to be having right now. Another observation I’ve made is the higher the stress level, the less hard an erection is in the morning. Waking up with a super hard erection directly correlates to very low levels of cortisone and epinephrine. Less fight /flight chemicals, means everything relaxes, blood vessels relax, more blood flow, more oxygen, more happy chems, and less heart skippage. So the only thing that I’m noticing is still around is a little rib cage pain. That might be isolated as I have had costochondritis and apparently still do. So inflammation is definitely a factor. To update my findings, there’s 4 things that affect PAC’s:
1, sleep (restful) 

2, stress

3, inflammation 

4, GERD (too much acid in the stomach), and general overall body acidification. 
I believe that if we reduce the aforementioned #2-4 and increase #1, then your in your way to being free and clear of PAC’s. 
0745: 1x exhilarin 

0930: acv + baking soda

0945: Tulsi chai masala tea

1130: chicken, potatoes, carrots 

1200: 1x carnitine, 1x CoQ10, 1x ALA, 1x fish oil, 1x b3 100mg, 1x b complex (natural factors) 

1230: roasted brown rice green tea 

1245: 45 crunches, and 30 pushups 

1400: tea: hibiscus, fennel, holy basil, hawthorn 

1430: 2 drops d+k

1545: 1x D-stress 

1830: chicken, salad, left over conch fritters, 1x potassium iodide 

1900: stash red velvet tea

2000: chamomile tea

2145: 1x tryptophan 

2100: 1tsp calm magnesium

Dec/25/2016

Posted: January 2, 2017 in Trials of Life

​0600: 1x exhilarin 

0900: coffee alternative 

0930: 1x carnitine, 1x ALA, pinch of black seed 

1015: 1x eyedropper full of holy basil by new roots 

Stress is yet once again starting to build. Not a couple hours of being up and we’re already fighting. It’s the never ending battle. Either we over come it or it kills me. It’s looking more and more like it’s not gonna be the first one. Guess we’ll see how it plays out. For now looks like there’s nothing more to do other than to grin and bear it and see what becomes of it. 

1100: 1x probiotic HCP 75

1130: hard boiled eggs (2), sauted onions, garlic, tomatoes, pepper, celery salt. 

1200: acv and baking soda 

1215: coffee alternative 1 cup, 1x 5htp 50mg,  1x CoQ10 

1500: 10 almonds, 4 pecans, 3 Brazil nuts, 1pack seaweed snack

1545: lemon balm tea, 20 drops heart care,  honey 

1820: turmeric, taurine, moringa, 25 drops Aussie trace minerals

1900: ceviche, mega burrito from caliente, 1x probiotic, 1x udo’s choice ultimate digestive enzyme urgent care, soda water 

2230: 1 tsp calm

2245: tea: chamomile and goodnight tea
Today was a very slow day. Tired and grumpy all day. On the bright side, very minimal heart issues. A few skips but nothing worth mentioning. Over all great day for the heart. Beauty day in Belize. Perfect weather. It was definitely not a typical Christmas. No snow. No eggnog. No fires. No lights everywhere and Christmas carols playing from every stores stereo system. Not typical at all! But the decorated coconut trees light up with a million Christmas lights was definitely something special. A special place spent with a special someone. 

Dec/24/2016

Posted: January 2, 2017 in Trials of Life

​So here I am.  On a puddle jumper, once again, off to the sunny island if Ambergris Caye. I dunno what’s sadder, not coming here any more or making this trip with no love in my heart for it. I look out the window and see nothing up open sea, miraculous beauty, sunny skies, I cam imagine the warm breeze on my face, the sun shining, the smell of salt water in the air. And yet, I’m not filled with any excitement. At all. It’s a strange feeling. It could be my last trip, the last time I ever see these sunny shores. And yet, I don’t appreciate it. It’s a strange thing. 
We spent the night In Atlanta, had a 12 hour layover, stayed at a nice 4 star hotel, went out at night and had some deep fried seafood from one of the best places in town. Best clam chowder ever, that’s for sure!! Didn’t see much of the sites but the hospitality and friendliness was off the charts. Southern charm. No doubt about it. I’d love to come back and explore Georgia some day, if I can. 
So on the 22nd at night got into a huge fight with Christie, made my heart skip again. Chest tight. Terrible feeling. Stress is beyond a shadow of a doubt responsible for a third of the PAC’s. Digestion and sleep being the other 2/3rds. So yesterday was still a bit upset, but as the night went on it got better. Took my mind off of things and bs cause of the stuff we had to do, Last minute pickups of stuff and the drive to see moudy. Then the drive there was a nightmare!!! We get to where the 401 and 403 meet and it’s gridlock. Standstill for an hour. We take an off road and it’s gridlock there too. Stress to the max. The chance if us making it to Hamilton and then to the airport was next to nill. But somehow we do!! Back roads, flying in the highway, pure wreckless abandonment! But we make it. Land in Atlanta. Stress reduced. Hearts good. 
0700: 1x exhilarin 

0730: breakfast buffet 

1730: 10 almonds, 2x l-theanine 250mg

Ceviche for dinner with basmati rice 

1830: 1x CoQ10, 1x ALA 

1900: 1x D-stress, 1x fish oil,  25 drops Aussie trace minerals 

2000: tea: anise, fennel, caraway, chamomile, hibiscus, Rose water, honey 

Dec/23/2016

Posted: January 2, 2017 in Trials of Life

​So heart is messed. Life is messed. Idunno what to say right now. Got into a huge fight last night cause I wanted to sleep so I don’t aggravate my heart and cause we had to get up super early and pack and get a whole bunch more things before we fly out tonight, and my lovely gf wanted to be serviced. Oh she’s a virginity btw. Yeah figure that one out.  Needless to say I said no, she freaked out, we fought for 4 hours. Super stressed. And heart issues were back. So lesson learned. It’s 0900 now and my nerves are shot. Chest pain. And even though the wisest thing right now would be to cancel the flight. . .  I won’t. I push on. Hopefully this isn’t my last post lol
0900: 1x exhilarin 

0930: CAF, Sorel, hibiscus, cloves, chamomile, rose water, honey, 30 drops heart care 

1000: 2x drops d+k, 

1130: 1x ALA, 1x carnitine 

1300: 1 x D-stress, 1x CoQ10