Archive for the ‘Good Night’ Category

There’s always a price to pay. Everything in this life will cost, nothing comes for free. I’ve had to give up a few things in order to get more. What I’ve had to give up was the safety and the comfort of security. But is that really a good bargain? That depends on who you ask, and when you ask. Ask me this months ago and I would have said that it was. As me a few years ago and I would have said, hhheeelllsssss no!! Ask me now and I’d say the same. What I gave up, security, was all an illusion. Cause it just goes to show that there is no such thing as security. Never. Nothing in this life can be a sure thing.

Before her I was seeing a beautiful, wild spirit. An artist. A partier. Someone who didn’t believe in working for the man. Owned her own business making custom jewelry. Lived in a chic apartment downtown. Truly a wild spirit. One that seemed untamable, yet her goal in life was to be married and have lots of children. Who could ask for more, right? But I wasn’t ready. Not for her at least. She seemed flaky. Someone they could not be locked down really. She wasn’t a sure bet. As happy as she made me. As horney as she made me. As fun as she was, there was nothing there to hold on to of substance for me. I made a lot of what she was doing or thinking wrong. She didn’t seem like she had her shit together. The moment I knew she was not a forever girl was the moment she said to me…. I fall out of love as quickly as I fall in love. And I was not gonna be the guy she fell out of love with. So while we were going out I had one girl add me to Instagram, gorgeous young blond girl. I saw her profile said she was going to work in Belize and I was planning a trip there. So I messaged her to see if we can be friends so I can have a friend when I was there. Innocent. We hit it off. We would chat every day for hours and hours. I couldn’t get enough of her. Made me smile from ear to ear every day. It was fresh, new, exciting. She really had her shit together. Wanted the forever thing. Has wanted it since she was 8. Marriage, long term, forever. Someone i could count on. A sure bet. Someone that was loyal, honest, successful. She was going places. She was the one I was looking for this whole time. So I bit. And yes technicly I was cheating entertaining this idea. I Remeber the first time we met I pretty much proposed to her. I have been anti-marriage and kids forever. She told me she wanted to get married but didn’t want kids. And I was in!! Later she changed her mind but that’s a whole other story. I must not digress. So the sure thing was here. So I bit hard. Only to find out a year after that we were breaking up and she was not in love with me. And this reason was cause of me. The things I did and didn’t do. So I tried so hard, fairytale hard, fought for the love. Got her back somehow. Only for her to fall out of love again. This time it had nothing to do with me. Her whole life was when she gets the man of her dreams then she will be happy. Well she got him. I was perfect, she said. Knocked it out of the park. But when she finally got the carrot on the stick, she wasn’t happy. Turns out marriage and kids was not what she was even looking for. Rude awakening. For the both of us!!

The moral of this story is that nothing is a for sure thing. And you have to give to get. What I had to give up was everything I had in mind as where my life would go. Give up sex. Oh yeah she’s a virgin. That might explain some. Give up the way I thought kids would be raised. Give up a lot of family stuff. Give up the things that made me light up, like rambling on about some stupid subject only I care about. She dislikes rambling. Dislikes anything airy fairy. There as a lot more but I don’t want to slander as we have agreed to remain friends and not defame each other. So I gave up. I gave up so much of myself that I started to feel dead inside. Depressed. I said to myself that on the second go I’d do everything I could so that if it ends I won’t say I didn’t try and give my 100%. I did stuff I didn’t want to do. Fake. And it was no way to live. In return for what? Someone to always be there. Someone to message in the morning when I wake up, before I go to sleep. Someone to tell me they love me constantly. Constantly reassured. She would always say… Oh I love you! And I’d say it right back. It was nice. Comfortable. Safe. Warm. But I had to give up a lot.

So now we are done I have had to give up some more. But this time it’s for something else. I have had to give up my hand being held in life. The comfort and safety of a harbour. No more messaging all the time. Someone else will be doing that. Our messages will be that of friends. No more “oh I love you”. No more BABE! In that cute way she would say it. No more safe harbour. But what do I get in return? So much more. For one I finally get to have sex again! It’s been a while lol. I don’t know how I held our for that long without cheating. But I would have done anything for her. I get to devote my time not to her, but to me. My time was spent driving back and forth 3 hours each way to where she lives. Spending hours in the phone listening to her complain, telling her she was right and that it’s all gonna be ok. I get to spend more time with my family. More time with my friends. I get to find myself and look deep inside, find that thing in me that keeps me held back. Like my fear of failure. My fear of being alone. My making everyone wrong. Figuring out why I have the need to argue my point till the other person lost interest and exited the conversation. I get to have the male energy back that I lost with her. She is prone to having male energy but loves being in the feminine energy. That would rarely happen when with me. When I’m with someone I care about I soften up for them. Open my heart, do it every time cause I think it’s safe. Something most men will not. At heart, men are full of emotions. But we hide it behind a hard shell. An exterior that’s all masculine. But it’s not real. Somewhere down the line we got hurt and turned into real douchebags. And forever since, we have been hiding behind the facade. With her I dropped it. With the ones I want to make part of me, I drop it. I’m able to check my ego hard. I’m present to both energies. Im labeled as an androgen. If you saw me you’d think…. Wow this guy must be a douchebag. But you meet me and I’m actually nice, charming, sincere, honest, and the list goes on and on. But to the ones I love I’m a sweetheart. I put all that aside and show my heart. She was just not ready for that. So she’s out chasing and being chased by douchbags like myself cause that’s her type. The only thing I can’t do is give her the experience of life that is to be had young. “the slut phase”. Now she’s a virgin so her slut phase will be tame to say the least. Dates. Dancing. Partying. Texting. Highschool stuff. But it will be healthy for her. She will get to see what life has to offer when your not looking at men as just the thing to marry so that your not scared of being alone. This will allow her to ease up in life. Realize that life isn’t so serious. So for that I’m happy. And I get to keep her in my life, but just in another capacity. We still get to hangout. Still message, but not as often. And for a short time, still fool around.

In the end I really come out of this as the winner. I get to keep the absolute best parts of her. While getting to be out in the world, meeting other woman. Exploring life again. Learning more about myself. Something I have been blind to for so long. Focusing on being the success that I have always wanted to be. Taking responsibility for all my actions. Learning to have more integrity. Being unleashed again on this world.

OK, rambling lol. Once again, the moral of this story is that you need to give to get. What I wanted from her I couldn’t get without accepting some things I didn’t want to. And now what I get, I have to give up some other good things. I have to give up something to get something else. But really I come out of this as the winner, even if it’s not about winning or losing. And for once I get to do the work to not being afraid of being alone. Not afraid of failing. Not make others wrong and push them away. Who the hell wants to be around someone who constantly tells them they’re wrong. I see it when I go back home. My parents have been married for almost 50 years and only till after my parents were married did my mother realize that she resents him huge for making her wrong all the time. They have a miserable relationship now. I don’t want to be that. And I know I resent her already. Cause of all the things I make her wrong for. This might sound bad, but when she had her health scare all I could think about was….. See I fucking told you this would happen if you keep putting garbage into your body! I don’t learn this the first go. And obv didn’t learn it the second go. She was just wrong. She was wrong for breaking it off, and now she was wrong about eating what makes her happy to eat.

Ask yourself, would you make a person wrong if you knew they weren’t gonna be in your life forever? The answer will probably be, NO. Now that comes from a place of not giving a fuck. But what looks like that too, is love! True love is a space where someone can fuck up and do whatever they want and learn and grow. Now in a relationship that’s going to last, you can’t just do whatever you want cause there’s a whole other person that will be affected by your actions. So although love is free, reality will always catch up and be a factor.

So for now, the only way to get the thing that looks like love, is to get the thing that isn’t. The thing where people just don’t give a fuck about you. It’s fun, it’s light, and no one will ever tell you what to do. And for someone that has a huge huge hhuuggeee issue with being told what to do, that’s gonna be just perfect!!

For me…. Well the journey begins again. On the hunt. But not for a woman to make me feel secure or safe or that I have succeeded. But the hunt for myself. The hunt for my freedom. To find the holy grail of self. Be in touch with my higher self. The one that has no fear. The one that is not affected by circumstances. That one that is perfectly ok with being alone in this world. The one that’s responsible for their own success or failure. The one that is calm and cool in the face of all adversity. Unshaken. Unafraid.

I shall leave you now with something Seneca said…

“The happy man is not he whom the crowd deems happy, namely, he into whose coffers mighty sums have flowed, but he who’s possessions are all in his soul, who is upright and exalted, who spurs inconsistency, who sees no man with whom he wishes to change places, who rates men only at their value as men, who takes nature for his teacher, conforming to her laws and living as she commands, whom no violence can deprive of his possessions, who turns evil into good, is unerring in his judgement, unshaken, unafraid, who may be moved by force but never moved to distraction, whom fortune when she hurls at him with all her might the deadliest missile in her armoury, may graze, though rarely, but never wound. For Fortune’s other missiles, with which she vanquishes mankind in general, rebound from such a one, like hail which rattles on the roof with no harm to the dweller therein, and then melts away. ”

Goodnight.

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So you gave me something, you knew full well was bad for me, just because you couldn’t stand to see my heart breaking any more. I don’t even know what to say. Shivers, goosebumps, smile from ear to ear. That’s love. That’s really real true love right there. The only kinda love that can come from source, from God, from Self. The one that doesn’t ask for anything in return. Gives and gives freely. Gives without reservation, without justification. Just because it’s love that is what’s needed in that moment. The purest distillation of the essence of life.

Now I’m going to qualify…. By God I always mean God, universe, spirit, source, self….. You catch my drift. We have many names, use the one that revs your crank.

So your probably wondering what the fuck I’m talking about. Sounds like the ramblings of someone blowing cocaine all night. Some insightful shit right?! Well it is. But there was no cocaine involved here. Not even booze. Clean and sober and just fuckin high on life.

So we break up. I break apart. Just fly apart at the seems. Distraught and nothing in the world could help. I ask God… Correction, I make a deal with the ol man and I ask him that if he brings her back in my life I promise to do something. No answer. It gets worse and worse till I’m a mess. A fkn puddle on the floor. My heart was shattering, it was fundamentally changing who I was. So even though God knows full well there is nothing more to do other than to let me wallow in my misery, doesn’t let it happen. Gives me the very thing I need the least at the moment I need it the most. It was the only thing that could sooth me. I can only equate it to a child crying, begging his father to unground him so he can go see his crazy gf cause she’s leaving and if he doesn’t then she will leave him forever. As the father or older brother maybe is better, you know…. That’s fucked!! This girl is a head case and the LAST thing he needs in life right now is to go see the crazy bitch. What he really needs to do is let that shit go. But he begs and begs till he’s a mess. He’s not eating he’s not sleeping, it’s fucking up his life so hard. What do you do?

Well my heart would shatter in that moment and I’d know that I’d have to give in for the best of this child. Yeah they will be hurt by this chickenhead but what else is there to do? It’s not worth protecting someone from some pain when the act of protection will cause way more detrimental pain! That’s counter productive. You know what’s gonna happen. But love allows you to be a stand for that child. A space, a clearing for them to discover life in all its glory and all its misery. On their own without your interference. When they have been crushed by this monster (aka girl), they can come back and you can hug them and take care of them and they can grow up and wake up, realize, and thank you for being such an awesome father or brother. That’s love! Well one of the ways it manifests. Allowing a bad thing to happen to avoid an even worse thing from happening. Nothing wrong with the circumstance, something you can’t change, but how you feel about them is what you can change.

I have to admit, the last paragraph dropped off. I’m trying to express how I feel while Chuck Norris is kicking ass and saving baby girls from bombs on tv, so I’m kinda distracted now. I’m at my parents place in London, just came from a wedding that was life altering. How? I have been away from my fam for so long that coming back to everyone there, everyone happy to see me, how and who I was around them…. I loved that guy!! It felt like coming back home. In that moment when I walked into that huge hall full of our huge fam I was ON boy I was OOONNN!!! The lost prodigal son returned. I felt so good talking my native language. All the mannerisms and little tiny ways of saying things, that just lights my soul!! I sat down and listened to speeches and I was tearing up. Why? Not cuz my relationship is over. But cause I have wasted all this time in life playing in the kiddy pool messing with girls that have no culture, no class, bar stars even the best of them. Just a lowr class of being. Fuck this last one tells me, your the perfect man perfect in every way, your the man I’d wanna marry and have kids with and I love you to bits and my fam loves you and everyone single person around me even my parents and sisters and friends and blah blah blah are telling me I’m crazy….. But…. I realized I don’t wanna get married (after telling you I want to since day one) and I just need to be perused by other men, that’s what’s gonna make me happy and fulfilled right now. Are you fkn kidding me? Who the fk says that? Needless to say I’ve avoided the fam cause I loved dating these girls they will never accept my culture, background, fam values, and really…. Will never really be accepted by this monster fam as “one of us”. Now don’t get me wrong, no one will say anything and she will be treated amazing. But she just won’t ever be one of us. Won’t really fully grasp this life. Oh if ya didn’t know, by background is Mediterranean. I was born on a beauty of a beach in front of my grandma’s farm over looking the nicest part of the Mediterranean.

But really, the biggest thing is…. WHY THE FUCK would I ever wanna give a second (third) chance to a girl who tells me “I’m just not in love with you any more” days after thanking me for trying so hard to get us back together saying she’s the happiest she’s ever been, telling me the kinda ring she wants, telling her sister she’s ready to get married now, and the list goes on and on. Then a health scare happens, she does some death meditation, and next thing you know it’s 180 degrees. Needless to say, WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?!? Do I devalue myself that much? I’m willing to be suppressed just to have her? Be a person I don’t even like. Why the fuck would she ever like me if I don’t like me? But without her, I fucking love me!! Like an unhealthy amount. So catch 22 situation. With her I don’t even like who I am, don’t like life, don’t like paradise. It’s fucked. Ok now I’m really rambling.

Ok so one last thing. Back to the God thing. So we break up at like 4pm, by 5 I’m on the phone with Laura, Carla, and then Laura again. Good space of mind. Get great insight. Then out of the blue one of my bestest friends Jay calls me. I haven’t seen him in 6 months. “homie what are you up to”, I’m like “G come over”. 5min later he’s at my place. We talk till like 330am. Such insight. I was blown away. Best feeling. At the same time, this one random girl I wanted to hit for so long (and regretted not hitting it before during our break up) msgs and calls me wants to see me that night, do drinks and a night out. I don’t answer but I msg her and we gonna make some plans. Like wtf. How? No one even knows on social media we broke up. I haven’t even told anyone, everyone I told is out of town! I pull into the Timmie’s on the way to London, cute girl in the drive through literally blushed and was giddy handing me my drink. Granted I did flash her a million dollar smile. Today we do this wedding. This other girl I’ve wanted to get with for years and never really took the bait DM’s me, straight up, “you still dating that girl? ” I Reply with a simple “nope lol, wanna go out?” she reply’s with a “yes”. Done. A couple 😘 exchanged and I tell her I’ll msg her tomorrow to make plans. Like wtf!! God. The universe. Self. Giving not what I need but what I want. The hunger of a man that doesn’t even give a fuck is so fucking powerful that the universe itself is compelled, even eager to acknowledge!! Let that one rattle around in your head.

I am not defined or characterized by the person that I am with. I am my own man. I should have taken that lesson from my father a long time ago, but obviously I have not. And its about damn time I did. I have always identified by the people I am around, my friends, my family, but most importantly, by the person I am dating. They also had to be attractive, because only cool guys date attractive women. They had to be fit, well because only losers date fat girls. And the list goes on and on and on. Stemming really from humans ultimate fear of looking good and avoiding looking bad. I would always fuck a fat girl, ugly girl, or any other kind of girl, but I never wanted to be out in public with them. So any time I was dating a girl, or having any serious relationship with any girl at all, it was always a must that they fit into some category, as it would define the person I am. Not I’ve skipped the last few weeks, as they have been instrumental in getting me to this point right now, but as time unfolds, you will be able to piece together what transpired throughout those few weeks. Christie and I are back in negotiations into our relationship. We are not at a point where neither of us are seeing, fucking, sucking, licking, or even entertaining anyone else. We are both pretty adamant about making sure anyone that wants to have anything to do with us, that we are unavailable at this moment, and possibly for the rest of time. So what happened you ask? Well that’s a long long story of defeat and triumph. The Phoenix that rose from the ashes to reclaim all that was his, but in a better, stronger, more powerful version. After all, the phoenix can never become unless everything is burnt to a crisp, and it was. So where are we at now? Well that’s the interesting thing, and the reason for this particular post. During our breakup, we saw other people. I fucked some, she sucked some (and licked a few assholes as well), which obviously didn’t matter at the time as my focus was on attracting her back to me. Well that’s happened. And now? Well not its become an issue. Not a logical or rational one, something I have to mention. Yes, I know what your thinking…. im being ungrateful, and I am. Really I’m just being an immature child, and not the mature grown man that I’m supposed to be at this point in my life. And I see that clearly. Shit you can tell by how I look to know this. I have attachment issues. If not people, its to thoughts and ideas, even mental images. I get attached. And ever since a couple weeks ago I became attached to the thoughts of her being with other guys during the breakup. Facts are, we broke up. On her end there was no intention of ever getting back together, so she moved on and started dating others, and with dating comes sexual acts of course. So then why be hung up? Well because I was clearly not moved on, and still emotionally attached, as you’ll see in the future as the story is revealed. Which brings me to this… If I am my own man, confident in my ways and who I am and what I want, then all there is to know is that I lost someone, manned the fuck up, and got them back. I got what I wanted, exactly how I wanted it, even better than before. Not from her end per say, but on mine. She is still the amazing person she is, but I have become a better man for it. 3 months of agony transformed me and gave me the tools I needed to become a better person for myself, and everyoned around me. More apt to be in an actual relationship, bringing a whole person as opposed to half a person who’s looking to be completed. But as long as I keep holding onto things she did during the break up, its a clear indication that I have more work to do, as a whole person is not bothered by reality or how things are, or could or should have been. A whole person is complete no matter what the other person is or was. This does not reflect on a whole person in any way shape or form. Especially since I’m also a person that has collapsed morality in with so many other things including sex and sexual acts. Combine that with 50 thousand years of evolutionary programming and for someone like me its like being sabotaged by my own brain. The very thing that wants to keep me safe and alive is working against my progress and happiness. After all, my brain wants certainty, safety, security. It doesn’t give a fuck about happiness, joy, fulfillment, love, or any of those things. It wants me to stay alive, and that’s it! Essentially my brain is a future predicting machine that’s taking past experiences and charging them with the emotion experienced in those moments to ward of anything in the future that looks or feels anything like those past experiences. Those being negative of course. Anything that spells uncertainty has to be eliminated and it will employ everything last weapon in its arsenal to make sure it happens. So what do I do? Well, anytime one wants to succeed, they must rise above the level of what we deem as ourselves. In reality, its our limbic system in charge and making sure we do what we must to live. Combine that with our super advanced cortex and it spells anything but possibility. One really can achieve self mastery, but that takes a lot of discipline and a lot of practice. At what you ask? Not listening to our brain! Not taking our own advice! Well the one that involves anything but fact that is. Emotions cloud judgement because they are formed in the heat of the moment by a situation that’s already happened in the past. So when something on paper looks great, but your still hungup on something that doesn’t even seem like it should hang you up, then that’s a clear sign. Me for example, being hungup on something that happened when I was not in the picture, essentially like meeting someone for the first time all over again, I would be hungup on any past relationships shes had or what shes done in them, as I’m only here for the present and future. Meaning, I’m hungup based on programming. Essentially not difference than being in the matrix. Programming the machine to do whats required for the greater good, And in this case, the greater good is my survival. Except the matrix doenst see that the times have changed and we now live in a civilization and not alone in the woods anymore. When Freud says we have the Id, the Ego, and the Superego, well it might seem science fictiony, but in reality, its like having 3 entities in there all trying to do the same thing but they just cant seem to agree. So the dominant one wins during whatever situation. Its the story of the good wolf and the bad wolf. Whichever one you feed, will always dominate the other. There’s a story in that for another day. Point being, we are conflicted at times by trivial things. But in the end, we are whole and complete and perfect and we never need to anything else outside of ourselves to be the person we want to be, we already have it. So whomever you date does not define who you are. If likes to lick assholes, then it has nothing to do with you in that it defines who you are for being with her. All it means is that she’s going to lick your asshole too! And what a glorious thing that is!! So drop the irrationality of what happened while you were not present at the party, and enjoy! Get your dick sucked dry of every last drop. Have your balls in some pretty girls mouth and feel all the goodness that it has to offer. And for fucks sake man, get your asshole eaten out so good that it makes you wanna cum like the water fountains at the the Bellagio!!! Life isn’t so serious, so enjoy it and don’t make it mean anything. At the end of the day, life is really empty and meaningless, so live as such!

Now I don’t know how you are in being introverted/extroverted, but me, I looovveeee to talk!! Just ask my GF who is the total opposite. She’ll tell ya. She loves the meat! Whell I dont mean it in some nasty sexual way, although….. actually we just wont even go there. I just got schooled by my little brother (from another mother) about the evils of living sinfully. But that’s a topic for a whole other day. So she loves the meat, and me I’m all about the fixins. For me, the story of how the meat ended up on my table is more appetizing then the meat itself. Lure me in with delightful tales of all that it took to make my plate the way that it is. The indian spices that were hand-picked by monkeys in the high mountains; the potatoes that were grown by the great-grandmother of that lady who survived the Titanic disaster, whats her name……Rose! Tell me how the cow im about to eat was raised in the most ethical fashion and how upon buying the farm was as tranquil as a zen buddhist monk being rubbed down by Helga the masseuse! NOW bring the steak out with all the fixins cause my mouth is wwaatteerriinnggg!!! Not some people. Case in point, the GF.

Over the past few days though I’ve been talking and talking and talking ….. and talking. And quite frankly im all talked out. Why am I talking so much? Well it has to do with some business ventures that have dropped into my lap that I just couldnt turn down. They are my in to residual income, and afte you get to know know you’ll know what a huge fan I am of residual income! I could go on and on and on…… But I wont, not yet at least. This blog was never meant to be a plug for anything I do in business, nor do I want to turn it into that, although I’m sure at some point I’ll start blabbering on about what’s going on with that part of my life and how every one should be doing what I’m doing and blah blah blah. It’s more meant to be as an outlet for a man who loves to talk!

I never had this issue expressing what’s inside. I had a tight crew of a few boys that met up in the parks, or as we liked to call to call them “Bat Caves” and talked, among other things that teenage guys do when they meetup in parks. Always made sure to have plenty of Timmies apple cinnamon tea to wet the whistle, and something smokable (cigars/cigarettes/or something like that ;)). And boy did we ever talk! About everything and nothing, just got it all out. Crazy ideas, business plans, schemes, girls, just whatever madness came to mind. It’s not like we had any new stories that happened apart from each other cause we were always together, so looking back on it now I don’t really even know how we talked for so long!! But I can tell you that it was very healthy. I would not be in the same position I am now if it wasn’t for those boys and all the amazing talks that we had. I had no idea the power of self-expression until not too long ago when I started dating someone who was all about the point form. Extra talk like that was “nonsense”, “get to the point” she’d say. And then when I haven’t gotten to the point in less than 3 minutes she just shuts down, eyes glaze over, and she can’t even process anymore. Well needless to say this made for a very unhealthy relationship at the time. Combine someone who loves to talk with someone who hates listening and you’ve some something off a Bill Nye the science guy show. But that’s also another story for another day.

I dunno what this is going to even read like, the only time I ever seem to get any time anymore is at 2am after I’ve been kicking ass all day stuck in beast mode and I’m in bed at the end of the night emptying myself onto these pages for the whole world to see. Sharing. Cuase after all, if I’m not sharing and “enrolling” as many around me as possible then I’m really not doing all I can to transform the world around me and leave a space where all possibility can be created. Yes more Landmark talk. Your going to hear a lot about this! Landmark has made such a huge impact on me. I finally told someone I know about me writing this blog and the first thing they noticed and commented on was, how things changed after a certain date. They were like, “wow things really changed after you did the Advanced Course eh?!”  And its true, they really did. Well the Forum was a life changer for sure but the Advanced Course really put it all together. Not to say that I did all they said I needed-to to get all that I could get from it, but I definitely did enough to get what I got and didn’t get what I didnt get. And I’m ok  with that!

So anyways….. Tomorrow is my day off and I’m gonna take it off and spend the day just not talking to anyone! I think that will be nice. Well I’m visiting the P.Unit right now, so I have no choice but to talk to “someone” until I leave here, and tomorrow I have this thing I need to do with a potential client, BUT, as soon as that’s done then NO MORE TALKING, well at least for the rest of the day. I welcome the peace. But only for a short while.

 


So I’ve never slept inside a mall, but admittedly I’ve always wanted to!! So here I am. Well ok that’s a little deceiving. The truth is I am in fact inside a mall. The other fact that I conveniently left out is that I’m actually in a hotel INSIDE the mall! Super cool right? I dunno. Its very Asian! And it just so happens to be that I’m in Chinatown, so it’s very befitting. I’ve never opened up the window of my hotel room and looked down at the very heart of the city mall, let alone one in Chinatown! I find it fascinating that I can feel a million miles away from home in this place, yet I’m practically right around the corner. I feel so out-of-place, different customs and traditions, different sights and sounds, it’s almost a different world! Yet I’m right in the heart of The6. Amazing!!

So what I am doing sleeping in a hotel room again? Long story really but it has to do with Landmark, yet again. And my lovely GF. So start it off, last night I figured it would be nice to be 100% self expressive and tell her that one of my best friends, a girl, that she doesn’t like a whole lot told me that she’s kinda bummed out that when my GF comes back to live permanently in the city (she’s always out of the country on business) that we will end up not talking anymore. Rational, I mean it’s just the way things go. We get into relationships and somehow we dump all our friends we’ve had for everrr and pretend like we’re oh so busy, way too busy for them to bother to keep the friendship going. Then one day at someone’s wedding of funeral we always lament as to why don’t we ever hang out anymore and proceed to remaness of all the great times we had in the past, but sadly we grew up and got our families and responsibilities and jobs and blah blah blah….. We ended up devoting the largest chunk of our life to the very thing that brings us very little pleasure, happiness, and joy, in leu of the “right thing to do” or what society has prescribed on us what is appropriate behaviour for our age/kind/race/sex, or whatever. AND ITS FKN BULLSHIT!! AND I REFUSE TO BE A SUBSCRIBER TO THE BITCH-ASS WAYS!!! Hey if you want a lifetime membership the by all means, subscribe away! But that’s not gonna be me. I will not live this life unless it’s on my terms. It will always be my choice, even when there’s only one option to choose from! And yes I do get some of this isn’t gonna make sense right now as its 2am and im half asleep. But I declared that I will be writing these blogs every day to the best of my ability, even if I have nothing to say. Cause anyone that knows me know that I ALWAYS have something to say lol. So, thanks for listening.

So I get the hotel room, front the $100 (thanks HotWire!!), get to my room inside the asian mall, get my bag of A&W ready for a pounding, and I make the call to the GF who’s in Belize right now to finalize the day. So what does she ask?? Baabbeeee….. why you staying in a hotel tonight? Why arent you staying with your friend (the girl i mentioned previously)???  ARE YOU FKN KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW??!!?!?!?!? LOLOLOL I burst out laughing. Like, ARE YOU FKN WITH ME RIGHT NOW?!?!? OMFG. Does that make any sense at all? WWHHYY?? Maybe cause I wanted to avoid a total fkn nuclear mealtdown!! Oh yeah, you dont know her obv. Shes a 24 year old, super smart, super attractive, blond haired, bluegreengold eye’d girl that’s worked out for 20 years and done fitness modeling and hostesing at those posh fancy bars with pools n sht where all the fk boys and douche bags like myself love to hangout. Yes I know, she’s just my type. Beautiful and insecure. And attracted to my kind. Regardless, here I am and here we are.

So the second reason, and really the reason I’m even in The6 on a monday is the Landmark seminars that are taking place every to every other monday at 7pm. Life changing really. I said to myself I wouldn’t blabber on about Landmark on here but it’s bound to come up. Landmark is really the reason all this is even taking place. Breakthroughs, breakdown, transformations, reinvention, affirmation, declaration, the list goes on and on and on. I’ve met the most incredible people, have had the most incredible opportunities present themselves to me, like practically drop in my lap for making $$$ as well as some of the most amazing friends I’ve ever had! Really Landmark has transformed my great life into an unremarkable one, simply launched me in the stratosphere of amazingness!!

So anyways, Now im exhausted, and my train of thought has been totally derailed, GF is sending cute BBM emojis that are just too adorable to resist.