Archive for the ‘Good Night’ Category

I am not defined or characterized by the person that I am with. I am my own man. I should have taken that lesson from my father a long time ago, but obviously I have not. And its about damn time I did. I have always identified by the people I am around, my friends, my family, but most importantly, by the person I am dating. They also had to be attractive, because only cool guys date attractive women. They had to be fit, well because only losers date fat girls. And the list goes on and on and on. Stemming really from humans ultimate fear of looking good and avoiding looking bad. I would always fuck a fat girl, ugly girl, or any other kind of girl, but I never wanted to be out in public with them. So any time I was dating a girl, or having any serious relationship with any girl at all, it was always a must that they fit into some category, as it would define the person I am. Not I’ve skipped the last few weeks, as they have been instrumental in getting me to this point right now, but as time unfolds, you will be able to piece together what transpired throughout those few weeks.

Christie and I are back in negotiations into our relationship. We are not at a point where neither of us are seeing, fucking, sucking, licking, or even entertaining anyone else. We are both pretty adamant about making sure anyone that wants to have anything to do with us, that we are unavailable at this moment, and possibly for the rest of time. So what happened you ask? Well that’s a long long story of defeat and triumph. The Phoenix that rose from the ashes to reclaim all that was his, but in a better, stronger, more powerful version. After all, the phoenix can never become unless everything is burnt to a crisp, and it was. So where are we at now? Well that’s the interesting thing, and the reason for this particular post.

During our breakup, we saw other people. I fucked some, she sucked some (and licked a few assholes as well), which obviously didn’t matter at the time as my focus was on attracting her back to me. Well that’s happened. And now? Well not its become an issue. Not a logical or rational one, something I have to mention. Yes, I know what your thinking…. im being ungrateful, and I am. Really I’m just being an immature child, and not the mature grown man that I’m supposed to be at this point in my life. And I see that clearly. Shit you can tell by how I look to know this. I have attachment issues. If not people, its to thoughts and ideas, even mental images. I get attached. And ever since a couple weeks ago I became attached to the thoughts of her being with other guys during the breakup. Facts are, we broke up. On her end there was no intention of ever getting back together, so she moved on and started dating others, and with dating comes sexual acts of course. So then why be hung up? Well because I was clearly not moved on, and still emotionally attached, as you’ll see in the future as the story is revealed. Which brings me to this…

If I am my own man, confident in my ways and who I am and what I want, then all there is to know is that I lost someone, manned the fuck up, and got them back. I got what I wanted, exactly how I wanted it, even better than before. Not from her end per say, but on mine. She is still the amazing person she is, but I have become a better man for it. 3 months of agony transformed me and gave me the tools I needed to become a better person for myself, and everyoned around me. More apt to be in an actual relationship, bringing a whole person as opposed to half a person who’s looking to be completed. But as long as I keep holding onto things she did during the break up, its a clear indication that I have more work to do, as a whole person is not bothered by reality or how things are, or could or should have been. A whole person is complete no matter what the other person is or was. This does not reflect on a whole person in any way shape or form. Especially since I’m also a person that has collapsed morality in with so many other things including sex and sexual acts. Combine that with 50 thousand years of evolutionary programming and for someone like me its like being sabotaged by my own brain. The very thing that wants to keep me safe and alive is working against my progress and happiness. After all, my brain wants certainty, safety, security. It doesn’t give a fuck about happiness, joy, fulfillment, love, or any of those things. It wants me to stay alive, and that’s it! Essentially my brain is a future predicting machine that’s taking past experiences and charging them with the emotion experienced in those moments to ward of anything in the future that looks or feels anything like those past experiences. Those being negative of course. Anything that spells uncertainty has to be eliminated and it will employ everything last weapon in its arsenal to make sure it happens. So what do I do?

Well, anytime one wants to succeed, they must rise above the level of what we deem as ourselves. In reality, its our limbic system in charge and making sure we do what we must to live. Combine that with our super advanced cortex and it spells anything but possibility. One really can achieve self mastery, but that takes a lot of discipline and a lot of practice. At what you ask? Not listening to our brain! Not taking our own advice! Well the one that involves anything but fact that is. Emotions cloud judgement because they are formed in the heat of the moment by a situation that’s already happened in the past. So when something on paper looks great, but your still hungup on something that doesn’t even seem like it should hang you up, then that’s a clear sign. Me for example, being hungup on something that happened when I was not in the picture, essentially like meeting someone for the first time all over again, I would be hungup on any past relationships shes had or what shes done in them, as I’m only here for the present and future. Meaning, I’m hungup based on programming. Essentially not difference than being in the matrix. Programming the machine to do whats required for the greater good, And in this case, the greater good is my survival. Except the matrix doenst see that the times have changed and we now live in a civilization and not alone in the woods anymore.

When Freud says we have the Id, the Ego, and the Superego, well it might seem science fictiony, but in reality, its like having 3 entities in there all trying to do the same thing but they just cant seem to agree. So the dominant one wins during whatever situation. Its the story of the good wolf and the bad wolf. Whichever one you feed, will always dominate the other. There’s a story in that for another day. Point being, we are conflicted at times by trivial things. But in the end, we are whole and complete and perfect and we never need to anything else outside of ourselves to be the person we want to be, we already have it. So whomever you date does not define who you are. If likes to lick assholes, then it has nothing to do with you in that it defines who you are for being with her. All it means is that she’s going to lick your asshole too! And what a glorious thing that is!! So drop the irrationality of what happened while you were not present at the party, and enjoy! Get your dick sucked dry of every last drop. Have your balls in some pretty girls mouth and feel all the goodness that it has to offer. And for fucks sake man, get your asshole eaten out so good that it makes you wanna cum like the water fountains at the the Bellagio!!! Life isn’t so serious, so enjoy it and don’t make it mean anything. At the end of the day, life is really empty and meaningless, so live as such!

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Now I don’t know how you are in being introverted/extroverted, but me, I looovveeee to talk!! Just ask my GF who is the total opposite. She’ll tell ya. She loves the meat! Whell I dont mean it in some nasty sexual way, although….. actually we just wont even go there. I just got schooled by my little brother (from another mother) about the evils of living sinfully. But that’s a topic for a whole other day. So she loves the meat, and me I’m all about the fixins. For me, the story of how the meat ended up on my table is more appetizing then the meat itself. Lure me in with delightful tales of all that it took to make my plate the way that it is. The indian spices that were hand-picked by monkeys in the high mountains; the potatoes that were grown by the great-grandmother of that lady who survived the Titanic disaster, whats her name……Rose! Tell me how the cow im about to eat was raised in the most ethical fashion and how upon buying the farm was as tranquil as a zen buddhist monk being rubbed down by Helga the masseuse! NOW bring the steak out with all the fixins cause my mouth is wwaatteerriinnggg!!! Not some people. Case in point, the GF.

Over the past few days though I’ve been talking and talking and talking ….. and talking. And quite frankly im all talked out. Why am I talking so much? Well it has to do with some business ventures that have dropped into my lap that I just couldnt turn down. They are my in to residual income, and afte you get to know know you’ll know what a huge fan I am of residual income! I could go on and on and on…… But I wont, not yet at least. This blog was never meant to be a plug for anything I do in business, nor do I want to turn it into that, although I’m sure at some point I’ll start blabbering on about what’s going on with that part of my life and how every one should be doing what I’m doing and blah blah blah. It’s more meant to be as an outlet for a man who loves to talk!

I never had this issue expressing what’s inside. I had a tight crew of a few boys that met up in the parks, or as we liked to call to call them “Bat Caves” and talked, among other things that teenage guys do when they meetup in parks. Always made sure to have plenty of Timmies apple cinnamon tea to wet the whistle, and something smokable (cigars/cigarettes/or something like that ;)). And boy did we ever talk! About everything and nothing, just got it all out. Crazy ideas, business plans, schemes, girls, just whatever madness came to mind. It’s not like we had any new stories that happened apart from each other cause we were always together, so looking back on it now I don’t really even know how we talked for so long!! But I can tell you that it was very healthy. I would not be in the same position I am now if it wasn’t for those boys and all the amazing talks that we had. I had no idea the power of self-expression until not too long ago when I started dating someone who was all about the point form. Extra talk like that was “nonsense”, “get to the point” she’d say. And then when I haven’t gotten to the point in less than 3 minutes she just shuts down, eyes glaze over, and she can’t even process anymore. Well needless to say this made for a very unhealthy relationship at the time. Combine someone who loves to talk with someone who hates listening and you’ve some something off a Bill Nye the science guy show. But that’s also another story for another day.

I dunno what this is going to even read like, the only time I ever seem to get any time anymore is at 2am after I’ve been kicking ass all day stuck in beast mode and I’m in bed at the end of the night emptying myself onto these pages for the whole world to see. Sharing. Cuase after all, if I’m not sharing and “enrolling” as many around me as possible then I’m really not doing all I can to transform the world around me and leave a space where all possibility can be created. Yes more Landmark talk. Your going to hear a lot about this! Landmark has made such a huge impact on me. I finally told someone I know about me writing this blog and the first thing they noticed and commented on was, how things changed after a certain date. They were like, “wow things really changed after you did the Advanced Course eh?!”  And its true, they really did. Well the Forum was a life changer for sure but the Advanced Course really put it all together. Not to say that I did all they said I needed-to to get all that I could get from it, but I definitely did enough to get what I got and didn’t get what I didnt get. And I’m ok  with that!

So anyways….. Tomorrow is my day off and I’m gonna take it off and spend the day just not talking to anyone! I think that will be nice. Well I’m visiting the P.Unit right now, so I have no choice but to talk to “someone” until I leave here, and tomorrow I have this thing I need to do with a potential client, BUT, as soon as that’s done then NO MORE TALKING, well at least for the rest of the day. I welcome the peace. But only for a short while.

 


So I’ve never slept inside a mall, but admittedly I’ve always wanted to!! So here I am. Well ok that’s a little deceiving. The truth is I am in fact inside a mall. The other fact that I conveniently left out is that I’m actually in a hotel INSIDE the mall! Super cool right? I dunno. Its very Asian! And it just so happens to be that I’m in Chinatown, so it’s very befitting. I’ve never opened up the window of my hotel room and looked down at the very heart of the city mall, let alone one in Chinatown! I find it fascinating that I can feel a million miles away from home in this place, yet I’m practically right around the corner. I feel so out-of-place, different customs and traditions, different sights and sounds, it’s almost a different world! Yet I’m right in the heart of The6. Amazing!!

So what I am doing sleeping in a hotel room again? Long story really but it has to do with Landmark, yet again. And my lovely GF. So start it off, last night I figured it would be nice to be 100% self expressive and tell her that one of my best friends, a girl, that she doesn’t like a whole lot told me that she’s kinda bummed out that when my GF comes back to live permanently in the city (she’s always out of the country on business) that we will end up not talking anymore. Rational, I mean it’s just the way things go. We get into relationships and somehow we dump all our friends we’ve had for everrr and pretend like we’re oh so busy, way too busy for them to bother to keep the friendship going. Then one day at someone’s wedding of funeral we always lament as to why don’t we ever hang out anymore and proceed to remaness of all the great times we had in the past, but sadly we grew up and got our families and responsibilities and jobs and blah blah blah….. We ended up devoting the largest chunk of our life to the very thing that brings us very little pleasure, happiness, and joy, in leu of the “right thing to do” or what society has prescribed on us what is appropriate behaviour for our age/kind/race/sex, or whatever. AND ITS FKN BULLSHIT!! AND I REFUSE TO BE A SUBSCRIBER TO THE BITCH-ASS WAYS!!! Hey if you want a lifetime membership the by all means, subscribe away! But that’s not gonna be me. I will not live this life unless it’s on my terms. It will always be my choice, even when there’s only one option to choose from! And yes I do get some of this isn’t gonna make sense right now as its 2am and im half asleep. But I declared that I will be writing these blogs every day to the best of my ability, even if I have nothing to say. Cause anyone that knows me know that I ALWAYS have something to say lol. So, thanks for listening.

So I get the hotel room, front the $100 (thanks HotWire!!), get to my room inside the asian mall, get my bag of A&W ready for a pounding, and I make the call to the GF who’s in Belize right now to finalize the day. So what does she ask?? Baabbeeee….. why you staying in a hotel tonight? Why arent you staying with your friend (the girl i mentioned previously)???  ARE YOU FKN KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW??!!?!?!?!? LOLOLOL I burst out laughing. Like, ARE YOU FKN WITH ME RIGHT NOW?!?!? OMFG. Does that make any sense at all? WWHHYY?? Maybe cause I wanted to avoid a total fkn nuclear mealtdown!! Oh yeah, you dont know her obv. Shes a 24 year old, super smart, super attractive, blond haired, bluegreengold eye’d girl that’s worked out for 20 years and done fitness modeling and hostesing at those posh fancy bars with pools n sht where all the fk boys and douche bags like myself love to hangout. Yes I know, she’s just my type. Beautiful and insecure. And attracted to my kind. Regardless, here I am and here we are.

So the second reason, and really the reason I’m even in The6 on a monday is the Landmark seminars that are taking place every to every other monday at 7pm. Life changing really. I said to myself I wouldn’t blabber on about Landmark on here but it’s bound to come up. Landmark is really the reason all this is even taking place. Breakthroughs, breakdown, transformations, reinvention, affirmation, declaration, the list goes on and on and on. I’ve met the most incredible people, have had the most incredible opportunities present themselves to me, like practically drop in my lap for making $$$ as well as some of the most amazing friends I’ve ever had! Really Landmark has transformed my great life into an unremarkable one, simply launched me in the stratosphere of amazingness!!

So anyways, Now im exhausted, and my train of thought has been totally derailed, GF is sending cute BBM emojis that are just too adorable to resist.