And so it ends, like it began

Posted: May 27, 2017 in Heart

In life, things usually end in the same way as they begin, but on the opposite side of the emotional scale. In a few days I take, what is shaping up to be, my very last trip to Belize. What started 9 trips ago is about to have its 10th and final farewell. And it’s bitter sweet. Well mostly sweet, with a little bitter sprinkled in there, but nonetheless. The full story I can’t really get into on here as some of the details can’t be broadcast to anyone outside the inner circle, but I’ll do my best to fill in the blanks and get some of it off my chest. 

The storey started out 11 months ago, almost to the day. Boy meets girl. Boy falls for girl. Girl makes a mess of boys life lol. Well not exactly, but sorta lolol. So we talk. Meet. Hit it off. Second date I needed a passport. Exciting stuff. Except when I get there, it wasn’t what I expected. There was way more emotional hardship then anything else. A lot of tears were shed. But a lot of growth, for sure! I finally made it to Belize, somewhere I’ve always wanted to go my whole life almost. And I’ve never been anywhere outside of Canada (even though I’ve driven across Canada twice) !! Well the US, that’s it. But that doesn’t really count. Kinda like going over to your neighbors house. So it was amazing in that sense. I met all her mentors, got to hang out with some amazing people, and learned so much. I was fast on the way to an amazing new life! 

Then came the Landmark forum. Something I’ll keep talking about from time to time, as it was a life changer. Anyways, one day the CEO of the company puts his arm around me after a very late night of booze and cigars at a central American beauty pageant and says to me….. You like this girl? Obv I’m like, absolutely! So he’s like, you know that if you want our approval your going to have to do the Landmark forum. So of course I responded with, then the Landmark forum it is!! And that’s when it all changed. 

I was operating from a place I have been in my whole life. And now I’m operating on a whole new wave length with a new bar set way higher. So not only am I holding myself to that bar but they very people I’m supposed to be learning from. Which made things a little difficult. Cause after being fresh out of the program I realizing that the very people that are supposedly the instructors of this way of being, all about integrity, are in fact out of integrity themselves. Well not all, that’s for sure. I shouldn’t use “they” or “themselves”, as it was mainly just one. Unfortunately it was the one that couldn’t be let go or avoided. This person really made a mess of the place. And the whole time, this person has had the entire upper echelon fooled into thinking it was everyone else’s fault of not performing and definitely not them! What a joke! Regardless, I don’t wanna turn this post into a bitch-fest, cause I could go on and on. At the end I wasn’t able to deal with incompetence and straight up lies and deceit, disguised by the holier-than-thou attitude operating under the umbrella of integrity. Bullshit. Whatever. Once the love is gone it’s time to move on. And as the old Phoenician proverb goes, let clay pots smash each other. Yeah I know, there much lost in the translation. The meaning: let them fucking deal their own shit, smash each other to bits, why get in the middle of it. So I’ll sit back and watch, and grin like an idiot. 
So anyways. Last trip. Well last one to the same place to deal with the same peeps. Cause while there I met soo many amazing people and made some really good friends that I’ll be visiting from time to time for sure! Maybe I’ll even startup a project there and knock out the competition. Who knows. At least now I’m not wasting my $ doing a thankless task that in the end up getting thrown under the bus in the end. I was warned, this person will use you like they use everyone else. And lo and behold, it happened. Oh well. A hobo’s heart will never be anything else but. Or as a wise man once told me, “you are who you were, and always will be”.  

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